Everyone is going on about Crismiss.
What is this voodoo that has taken over the world?
It all started with a tree.
I thought Great, I love a bit of nature in the home but then came the giant box of sparkles and lights and glittery balls which Mum and Dad told me I could chuck on the tree. I took the most literal translation and lobbed the glitter balls at it Olympic shot put style!
But then the once lovely, green tree looked more like a survivor from an explosion at a glitter factory.
Poor thing.
I keep trying to steal the glitter balls when mum isn't looking so the poor tree can reclaim some dignity but Mum usually catches me and makes me put them back.
If the tree thing wasn't bad enough we went shopping the other day.
I was well excited because mum kept saying we had to go buy presents! But we got to the shops and, I shiz you not, we were there for hours and I didn't get one present. Not one! Mum said we got them for other people for Crismiss.
Mum tried to console me with a biscuit.
I threw it at her head.
Oh yeah, I want to ask you about this bloke. Santa?
Yeah, well he is everywhere. On cards, posters, TV adverts and you know what, he was even on the Peppa Pig Crismiss special! Who is this dude?
There was this guy in town dressed up like Santa (I could tell it wasn't the real Santa because beards generally stay on peoples faces when you yank them) and Mum went insane ...
Look, Mya, LOOK!! It's Santa ... SANTA!! Do you see, Mya? IT'S SANTAAAAA!!!
Insane.
Seriously, who is he?
He must be pretty awesome if everyone is dressing up like him.
Mum even dressed ME up like him!
I know what you are thinking,
Red is totally my colour,
But that's not the point. The point is, who the badger is Santa?
Everyone has gone mad with Crismiss cheer. People are singing songs about mistletoe and wine. There are small children in gangs singing in very high pitched voices about donkeys and babies and there are vandalised, pimped up trees everywhere!
Crismiss. I am starting to think it is some sort of government conspiracy.
And I bet this Santa guy is in on it.
He looks well shifty if you ask me!
So everyone is asking me what I want for Crismiss.
Okay, so this is not the first tantrum she has ever had in front of strangers but this was the first one that I actually considered walking away and pretending she wasn't mine! Not that that plan would have worked ... The child chasing me calling me Mummy would have been a bit of a give away.
So there I was with a screaming, writhing child in the middle of Primark's children's section. I only went in for a pack of vests for Mya. It wasn't even like I was being selfish going out on a shopping spree for myself but did Mya care? Erm ... no.
We had just come out of the lift and I had parked up the pushchair next to the sleepwear aisle when the whingeing began. Not thinking at all, I unstrapped her and held her in my arms.
Rookie mistake.
I knew as soon as I did it that there was no way she was going to get back in the pushchair.
By this point she had managed to wriggle her way out of my arms and was pulling all of the clothes off the rails.
I could already feel myself going red in the face, anticipating the tantrum that was about to ensue when I tried to pick her up. I was nervously giggling and smiling at the other mums who were fleeing the area, shaking their heads as if to say 'Get out of here while you can ... She's gonna blow!!'
But I had to do it. As much as I wanted to wait until the store closed and had emptied of customers to try and get Mya out, I couldn't. I had to face the inevitable.
As soon as my hands tucked under her arms to pick her up her back arched, her eyes widened with a terrifying sheen of anger, her mouth opened wide enough to fit an entire melon and then it came.
The scream.
The scream that echoed through the entire floor of the shop. The scream that caused an old lady to stop and grab at her chest as if she was going to keel over and die right there in Primark. The scream that made me want to cry, scream back at her and run away all at the same time!
I attempted to put her in the pushchair but as I had expected I would have needed the strength of ten rugby players to pin her down long enough to get the straps on, so I made the decision to implement the Grab and Run technique.
Step one of this plan is to Grab. In order to get her to stop writhing out of my arms I had to tickle her into submission. It was one of the angriest laughs I have ever heard but I had hold of her. Step one complete. Now for Step two. Run.
We got to the lift and I said a little thank you to Jesus (and I am not religious...at all) for presenting me with an empty carriage to my escape! In the lift I tried once more in vain to get her strapped into the pushchair but to no avail. The doors pinged open and the queue of people waiting were presented with a panting, red faced, sweaty woman with hair in her mouth and a breast half hanging out of her top armed with a wriggling, growling toddler, foaming spit bubbles.
Needless to say a path was quickly cleared.
At that point I could see the exit.
I took a deep breath and half jogged the last stretch of my escape, taking out about three rails of clothes with the pushchair and inadvertently punching an old man with an angry child.
But I made it out. I was safe. I was free.
I quickly disappeared down a quiet alley, took a deep breath, looked Mya directly in the eyes and calmly asked her to sit in her pushchair.
To which she happily obliged.
Little bugger.
The Grab and Run technique treated me fairly well today. It was in no way glamourous and it didn't avoid embarrassment, however, the tantrum was pretty short lived and I did escape alive ... and most importantly, so did Mya!
It really made my day being nominated for this award! I am very new in the blogging world so to be acknowledged like this makes me do my Super Happy Loony Smile ... which looks a little like this!
And here is the award
*Trying to hold back the tears*
*Failing miserably and howling like a loser*
... it's so beautiful!
Leibster Award Rules
1. Thank my Liebster Blog Award presenter (s) on my blog
2. Link back to the blogger (s) who awarded you
3. Copy & paste the award to your blog
4. Nominate 5 blogs to receive the award
5. Let them know of their nomination by leaving a comment on their blog
Finally, try to pass the award on to blogs that are fairly new and have less than 200 followers.
Okay so being fairly new to the universe of Blogging I am not entirely sure who has received this award or not so I am just going to throw some names out of some newer blogs that I like. And if you have received the award before, well, lucky you! Feel the love!
1. http://evewantedawardobe.blogspot.com/ Okay, so Hannah, the creator of this awesome fashion blog, also happens to be my step-sister (which is kind of cheating) but I do love this blog. I struggle to even get out of my pyjamas some days and when I do get dressed my outfit is accessorised with decapitated Pom bears and smears of snot! I like the little window into the fashion world which I left behind. You can also watch her YouTube videos here ...
2. http://bloodsweatandtantrums.blogspot.com/ Jennifer is very new to the blogging world but I love her story of her little man, Taylor, starting with when she found out she was pregnant. It is a heartfelt, down to earth blog and and a lovely read.
3. http://www.jackandlils.com/ Cathy is another new blogger but I was immediately drawn to her blog after she described having suffered with Post natal Anxiety. Having dealt with this myself, I liked (very selfishly) reading a story of someone else who has been through it too. Her blog is a lovely record of the ups and downs of raising young children.
4. http://www.amummytoo.co.uk/ Emily blogs about her experiences as a working mum. It is a beautifully laid out and well written blog and the fact that she manages to blog at all with a newborn and a 4 year old son is amazing! I salute you! Lovely blog.
It has been ten days and I feel I owe just a quick follow up post to Coming off Citalopram.
I don't know what I expected to be honest. I have been up, I have been down and I have gone through every emotion possible since coming off the pills. There have been good days when I have gone without the pills completely and days where I couldn't cope with the withdrawal and crumbled off a pin head size part of a tablet to take off the edge.
I am not sure if I expected a happy ending, nicely wrapped up in a neat bow or if I was just being naive.
The reality is that I am in a sort of limbo at the moment. One moment I am thinking Wow, I am really doing this. I am so close, one more step and I will be free of it all and the next, Sod it. Nothing is worth this much stress!
I know it is still very early and I am probably expecting too much of myself, however, I happen to be the most impatient person ever and I want results and I want them now!! *sulk*
Oh well! Taking one day at a time and in the meantime I will cheer myself up with this little bundle of hilarity ...
So I haven't been around on ye olde blog for a week or so.
Mum hasn't been very well and then her laptop died which just pushed her into an actual mental breakdown! She started playing with my toys out of sheer boredom.
There was one time when she re-enacted a whole episode of Jeremy Kyle with my Lego men ... scary!
I was just about to call the men in white coats when the new laptop lead was delivered!
Phew!
Mum is back tapping away and I am treating my poor Lego men for Post-traumatic stress disorder!
So what have I been up to I hear you ask!
Well this week I have mostly been working on my singing.
I am hoping to enter Xfactor next year. I have a feeling 2012 is my year.
2012 - The year of the London Olympics, the supposed end of the world (silly Mayans!) and the year Mya Moo wins the Xfactor!!
You wait, there will be grannies all over the UK weeping at the beauty of my voice!
Here is a sneak preview just for you awesome readers!
What do you think?
I have been told my enunciation needs some work but besides that, pretty good right?
Besides singing, I haven't really been doing a lot this week. With mum being unwell we stayed in most of the time, snuggling and watching DVDs. Mum complained about having to watch Peppa Pig on repeat when our Sky box broke but I reckon deep down she really likes it. Sometimes, after I go to bed, I can still hear her watching it! She claims she forgets to turn it off... Mum, you're fooling nobody! Admit it ...
Peppa Pig is awesome!!
We had a visit from Grammy Soo too! I love my Grammy She is a little bit mental, like my mum, but she makes me laugh ...
.. AND she knitted me this teddy! He's so cute and small and I call him Little Ted.
This is me and Grammy Soo! Oh, she does make me chortle!
This is Little Ted. He's so cute I could pee!
So, yeah ... That's what I have been up to since I've been gone!
This week Boo and Me asked us to own up to one of our Guilty Pleasures.
This is an easy one for me.
I mean it's an easy one to choose. To admit to? Not so much.
But just for you, my lovely readers, here it is. My Guilty Pleasure.
There is one song from the very first album I owned that I still bop around like a loser to every time I hear it. It is so fabulously pants that I am sat here right now with the volume up full whack, holding the TV remote as my microphone and I am singing. Singing so badly, in fact, I am pretty sure I just saw my 18 month old daughter roll her eyes at me!
Mya is looking at me as if to say, 'Why you gotta play that song so loud?'
Okay, so this week my blog has been kind of abandoned.
My poor blog has had half a dozen new posts written, deleted and written again only to then be deleted...again. If my blog were hand written, my bin would be full to the brim of ripped up, screwed up trodden on pieces of paper.
The reason being, I am in the process of coming off my anti-depressants.
Cue scary music - Dum Dum DUUUMMM.
I was 16 when I first started suffering with depression. I was given counselling and cognitive therapy sessions until I was 18 and they didn't come free on the NHS anymore.
At 18 I was put onto Citalopram.
Little did I know at the time, they would be a part of my life for many years to come.
I found anti-depressants great at taking away the 'lows' but they also took away the 'highs'. My mood was set to neutral and I was on cruise control.
Whenever I felt like I was getting better and was ready to come off them, I would have the most atrocious withdrawal symptoms. I would describe it as nothing short of hell. When coming off them I would feel like I was buried deep inside my body. My body would feel weighted to the ground and with every movement I made I would have what felt like an electric shock fire through every part of my body. Every time I would come off for even a couple of days I would feel so ill that even simple tasks, like holding a cup of coffee were such a tremendous effort. Needless to say, I didn't try coming off them very often.
When I was pregnant, I was the happiest I had been in a long time. Whether it was hormones or not, I felt on top of the world! Somehow, I am not quite sure how, I managed to wean myself off the Citalopram in order to breastfeed after giving birth. I was thrilled. I was drug free for the first time in 6 years and was over the moon.
Although the first 10 weeks of Mya's life proved to be very difficult. She suffered with *Gastro-esophageal Reflux and a dairy intolerance. I explained in a previous post, this was probably what sparked my **Post-natal Anxiety. The doctors tried to peg it as Post-natal depression and quickly put me back on the Citalopram. In my fragile state I accepted them.
I have been on them ever since, waiting for a time to try and come off them again.
The last couple of months I have slowly managed to reduce them from 20mg to 5mg every other day. My GP insists that the amount I am taking at the moment is probably not significant enough to even warrant taking them at all. I insist otherwise. I am very aware of when I am even hours late taking my dose.
This week I have been taking them every other day and today (brace yourselves) I have stopped completely ...
I have been completely out of it for the last few days. I have been feeling like a total zombie. My head has been spinning and my memory is like a sieve. I have been forgetting things that I have just been told. I even accidentally stole a beaker from a shop having forgotten that I put it in the basket of Mya's buggy not two minutes before.
I don't even expect this post to make any sense.
So that is why my poor blog has been ignored. I have been trying to write but as soon as I open my laptop, my brain just seizes up. Brain says No.
All I can do right now is try to push through and hope the withdrawal will be short lived.
Wish me luck!
* Read about Mya's Reflux here - Reflux
** Read about my Post-natal Anxiety here - Post-natal Anxiety
1. I have never (touch wood) broken a bone in my body
2. I cannot under any circumstances wear a pair of odd socks .. its a weird obsessive compulsive thing.
3. I have cankles
4. I am officially the laziest person in the world
5. Taking into account the above, as a kid, I wanted to be an olympic runner!
6. I hate all sports on television. I hate football the most
7. I would definitely become a lesbian for Angelina Jolie
8. I don't like crisps or biscuits or cereal or toffee .. they all get stuck in your teeth *shudder*
9. I have seen 3 dead bodies in my life .. only one was family
10. I Hate Star Wars 11. I have the same size hands as a cambodian midget
12. In a double bed I always have to sleep furthest away from the door so that in the case of an axe murderer the other person will be killed first giving me precious seconds to make an escape
13. I have no idea what I want to be when I grow up
14. I really REALLY hate Star Wars
15. Im scared of daddy long legs, moths, may bugs, butterflies, birds (unless caged), submarines, space, armageddon and fish
The other day, Mum and me packed all of our stuff and set off on a trip to go see Grammy Soo and Grumpy.
Grammy and Grumpy are my my Mum's Mummy and Step-daddy.
They live in Wales which is a land far far away. And there are lots of sheep ... and rain!
The drive there took ages!
Mum spent a lot of the time singing (very, very badly) and complaining that she was bored. Seriously, I had to yell at her to shut up at one point!
I was trying to catch up on my beauty sleep!
I was woken half way through the journey to a loud clattering of rain. Mum was shrieking that she couldn't see where she was going! I nearly pooped my nappy!
But soon the rain subsided and this thing appeared in the sky. It looked like a glowing halo of crayons.
Mum said it was called a Rainbow.
It. was. beautiful.
Grammy cuggles
When we got to Grammy and Grumpy's house I was pleased to get out of the car. My poor little baby butt had gone numb!
I was very happy to see my Grammy. She welcomed us into the house with a big grin and gave me a big cuddle, burying my face into her wild, silver mane of hair!
Grumpy hid behind the door and peeked around saying 'Heeeere's Grumpy!' like in that film The Shining (which my mum says I am far too young to watch! pfft).
Grumpy thinks he's very funny!
While Grumpy walked the dogs and Mum was comatose on the sofa, downing what looked like a duplo bucket full of coffee, me and Grammy played lots of games, including building blocks, hide and seek and the Hanging me upsy-down game, my favourite!
Look at me - I'm totally upside down!
When we were done playing games, I took a wander around. Grammy and Grumpy do not live in a house. It is a Zoo! They have lots of animals including a chameleon, three parrots, two cats and too many dogs to count, Mum said there are nearly ten!
My favourites were the cats (Reeves and Mortimer). But they didn't seem to like me much, every time I tried to chase them and give them a big cuddle, they ran away!
*This is La-La, she is yellow,
therefore La-low!
Their loss ... my cuddles are da best!
It is very cold at Grammy and Grumpy's so, at bed time, mum wrapped me up in about ten layers of pyjamas and tucked me into my travel cot with enough blankets to warm an Eskimo. Lovely jubbly. I snuggled up with my *La-low and my Monkey and drifted off into the land of Noddington.
I woke up in the night to darkness. I know it gets dark at night (duh) but I mean it was really dark! I couldn't even see my hands in front of my face! I cried out for mum thinking I had gone blind! Mum scooped me up and cuddled me in bed with her. I fell back asleep with my hands holding her face and my nose touching hers just to make sure she didn't go anywhere. And she didn't!
I woke up in the morning next to Mum who was still fast asleep. I tried prodding her cheek to wake her up but she was still out for the count. I bounced on the bed a bit and sang the 'Mumma' song. (which was inspired by this little piece of genius...)
She eventually woke up when I prised her eyes open with my fingers and giggled so much I dribbled a bit on her face!
Not long after being up, I had jumped on Grammy and Grumpy's bed and got them up, mum had downed her bucket of coffee, got me dressed and fed and we were ready to go exploring out in the garden!
Their garden is awesome! It is full of mud.
Mud and chickens!
Me in my Wellington boots!
This is me telling mum I would totally fit in the giant bowl!
'Come on Grammy, faster! I see chickens!'
Chicken-tastic!
Hi there Chickens! I'm Mya, pleased to meet you!
This is Grumpy in a cage!
Not really sure why but it was pretty funny!
Soon after exploring it was time to leave. Mum changed my muddy clothes and packed up all of our things.
I didn't want to say goodbye to Grammy and Grumpy so soon but I was getting tired and was looking forward to going home and seeing Dad.
After lots of cuggles goodbye, Mum and me strapped ourselves into the car and set off back home.
I slept most of the way home, only waking in short bursts to shout at Mum to stop singing. Because plugging my fingers into my ears wasn't a big enough hint!
Seriously, her singing is truly abysmal. She couldn't carry a tune in a basket!
When we got home, Mum immediately crashed on the sofa and I snuggled up with her watching Peppa Pig.
Ahhh.
I loved my adventures in Wales but there really is no place like home.
This Halloween, I am not in costume, I have no fake blood streaked over my face and no make-up, but I assure you, my appearance is quite terrifying.
I sit here with my hair on end, deep black circles under my eyes, and an expression on my face that could cause The Hulk himself to cower in fear.
For this Halloween, I am myself ...
... Sleep-deprived-mother-of-teething-toddler.
The last couple of days, my beautiful, charming, funny little girl has been replaced (possessed, if you will) with a little monster that screams, hits, moans, whines and does not take NO for an answer.
I. am. exhausted.
Mya has quickly learned to say and ask for Calpol, or, as she calls it, Polpol!
I, as many mothers will agree, am in awe of the magical powers of that sticky pink goo.
But there comes a point in the day when the magic wears off.
This is when I bust out the frozen peas.
Oh yes! You heard right. Frozen peas.
One time while quickly trying to make an angry, teething toddler her dinner, I accidentally dropped some frozen peas out of the bag. Before I could pick them all up, her speedy little baby hands had grabbed a few and deposited them into her mouth.
I waited for her little tongue to poke out and her face to crease in revulsion.
But there was nothing.
Silence.
No screaming. No whinging. No moaning.
Had I gone deaf?
She swallowed.
Then as she began to screw up her face, pre-whinge, I offered her another pea.
Again, silence.
Awesome!!
The cold soothes her gums and they defrost quickly in her mouth making them easy to swallow. They even class as one of her 5 a day! Talk about killing two birds ...
So now whenever I am in between Calpol dosages and distraction, cuddles and love are futile, out come the frozen peas.
So the other day me and my mum were watching old video clips of me when I was a wee babba. That woman really took a LOT of videos! But anyway, I was watching the clips of when I was learning to walk, it was hilarious! I looked like Bambi after one too many glasses of vino!
So I put them all together into my first vlog for you all to enjoy!
Here it is,
My first steps!
I have been thinking about this for a while now.
This blog started out of the blue in a lot of ways. I just sat down one day and decided to write.
But when I really think about it, I have wanted to blog for ages and just never plucked up the courage to do it. It is such a personal thing and by sharing your blog you are sharing not just your life but your thoughts and emotions.
I suppose my desire to write stems back to my early teens.
When I was thirteen, my mum, my brother and I moved in with my stepfather and his three children. It was a huge change and we all found it difficult adjusting. Initially all five of us 'kids' were put into one bedroom, my brother and I sleeping on camp beds. As you can imagine, five children in one room was a situation any sane individual would ordinarily avoid, but unfortunately that was the result of two families merging into one in a two bed house!
I found my relationship with Hannah, only one year younger than me, the hardest. I can understand, her home and her personal space had been invaded by another family. Another family she had neither asked for or wanted in her life, let alone her bedroom! So we fought, a lot.
I began writing a diary. I found solace in venting my anger and frustration.
Hannah also wrote a diary.
I soon discovered that Hannah had secretly been reading my diary. Angered and hurt at my privacy being violated, I started to read hers too.
My next diary entry began 'Dear Hannah'.
For a long time without speaking a word of it to each other we continued to 'secretly' read our letters to each other. It allowed us to express our emotions and work through our differences without having to argue face to face. So we continued to do that. After a while, the letters became less angry and we would find ourselves laughing at each others jokes and comments. Eventually the diaries became something we shared. We no longer 'hid' them and as funny as it sounds would actually ask 'Have you read my diary today?'
Today me and Hannah are very close and although we are no longer 'forced' to live together, we live close by and regularly see each other. Hannah if you are reading this blog ... I love you man!
I think I also started my blog because I enjoy reading other peoples. I discovered the world of blogging when I was pregnant. I loved being a part of other peoples experiences and felt relieved when other people would be writing about the same concerns that I had. I thought what a lovely idea. It is not only a fantastic way of venting your emotions but it also helps others know that they're not alone.
After I had Mya, I became quite detached from civilisation. I didn't have a lot of adult contact and found my vocabulary diminishing quite dramatically. I wouldn't talk much to Mya and if I did it would be baby talk. I was regressing! My language became so bad I am pretty sure there were Neanderthals with better eloquence.
I decided something must be done! So I started this blog. Since then I have found that I have not only got a piece of 'me' back, which I lost after becoming a mum, but I talk to Mya more. Mya's speech has sky rocketed in the last month or so that I have been writing and I am almost certain this blog has something to do with it!
Aside from all of that, I find the thing I love most about blogging is keeping a record of everything Mya does that I am sure I would forget if I didn't write it down. Childhood is such a precious and fleeting time. With a blink of your eye your tiny newborn has transformed into a bouncing toddler. A blog allows memories that would normally be scattered in the past be captured and treasured.
I also like to think that if something were to happen to me (god forbid), Mya would be able to read this record of our time together as mother and daughter and know that she was loved unconditionally.
So I write.
For me and for my gorgeous, crazy daughter.
This is our story.
Today, I thought I would share with you my awesome memory box that my mum has put together for me. Obviously it's not finished yet because I'm not done making memories! But here are some of the things in there so far ...
So this is the box. It's pretty dusty and battered. My mum said its was Great Grandparents' so it must be really really old!
Oh look there's all my things!! >>>
<< Okay so let's start from the beginning! When I saw this I was like 'Gross, I'm not touching that!' Cos my mum totally peed on it! But it's pretty cool, cos that was the actual test my mum took when she found out that I was like this big --> O <-- in her tummy!
>> Hey look! So when my mum had me in her tummy, she went to the doctors and they put this squishy wet stuff on her tummy and poked it with a camera that sees through skin! Cool right! Here's the pictures it made.
My mum said I look just like I did in the scan picture.
I think shes a bit mad.
<< When I came out of my mum's tum, they put a bracelet on me and my mum to make sure that we were who we said we were. But it was wicked cos they personalised them so we were matching! We were like bracelet buddies!
>> Seriously how cute are these!? Those are my very first little outfits!
<< These are all the cards we got to celebrate the the coolest baby being born ... that's me by the way!
>> This is part of the feeding chart my mum kept for the first few days of my life.
I was an awful feeder. They later figured out that I have a dairy intolerance and had pretty bad reflux which meant I never took a full feed in one go. So at one point I would drink only a couple of ounces every half hour!
How my mum didn't throw me out of the window I will never know!
Mum if you are reading this, I salute you!
Respect.
<< These are my hand prints that my mum took when I was only 10 weeks old. She liked them so much she even got a tattoo of one of them!
>> That's mums tattoo! It's back to front but the writing underneath says Mya Rose.
<< Before I met my best mate Monkey, my closest friend was Sheepy. This is he.
He went everywhere with me so as you can see he is pretty battered and dirty despite going for a swim in the washing machine countless times!
I caught my mum trying to throw him away once! (Shame on you mother!)
But I managed to rescue him and decided to keep him safe in my memory box.
>> For my first Christmas mum dressed me up in this super cool red hat and took photos. I think she said it was Santa's hat. I don't know who Santa is but he's got some style!
Anyway she sent off the photos to the *Pigmoon and this awesome card came back!
* I have just been informed that it is actually called Moonpig and it is a website that makes cards using your own photos! Cool eh?
<< This was the candle on my first birthday cake! My first birthday was amazing! I had an awesome party where my whole family came and watched me running around dressed as a fairy!
>> This is me at my birthday party. Check out those wings!
<< These some of the cards I got for my birthday!
So those are a few bits in my memory box! I hope that my mum will keep saving little pieces of my past to put in there because it's pretty fab looking back on it all!
The other day, Mum and me packed all of our stuff and set off on a trip to go see Grammy Soo and Grumpy.
>> This is me at my birthday party. Check out those wings! 
