Everyone has gone mad!
Everyone is going on about Crismiss.
What is this voodoo that has taken over the world?
It all started with a tree.
I thought Great, I love a bit of nature in the home but then came the giant box of sparkles and lights and glittery balls which Mum and Dad told me I could chuck on the tree. I took the most literal translation and lobbed the glitter balls at it Olympic shot put style!
But then the once lovely, green tree looked more like a survivor from an explosion at a glitter factory.
I keep trying to steal the glitter balls when mum isn't looking so the poor tree can reclaim some dignity but Mum usually catches me and makes me put them back.
If the tree thing wasn't bad enough we went shopping the other day.
I was well excited because mum kept saying we had to go buy presents! But we got to the shops and, I shiz you not, we were there for hours and I didn't get one present. Not one! Mum said we got them for other people for Crismiss.
Mum tried to console me with a biscuit.
I threw it at her head.
Oh yeah, I want to ask you about this bloke. Santa?
Yeah, well he is everywhere. On cards, posters, TV adverts and you know what, he was even on the Peppa Pig Crismiss special! Who is this dude?
There was this guy in town dressed up like Santa (I could tell it wasn't the real Santa because beards generally stay on peoples faces when you yank them) and Mum went insane ...
Look, Mya, LOOK!! It's Santa ... SANTA!! Do you see, Mya? IT'S SANTAAAAA!!!
Seriously, who is he?
He must be pretty awesome if everyone is dressing up like him.
Mum even dressed ME up like him!
I know what you are thinking,
Red is totally my colour,
But that's not the point. The point is, who the badger is Santa?
Everyone has gone mad with Crismiss cheer. People are singing songs about mistletoe and wine. There are small children in gangs singing in very high pitched voices about donkeys and babies and there are vandalised, pimped up trees everywhere!
Crismiss. I am starting to think it is some sort of government conspiracy.
And I bet this Santa guy is in on it.
He looks well shifty if you ask me!
So everyone is asking me what I want for Crismiss.
Answers. I want answers.
And maybe some cake.
But mainly I want answers.
But do not fear. Watch this space.
Detective Moo is on the case!