Well I failed the last attempt to come off Citalopram and actually went backwards and started taking them every day again for a while.
As I explained in a previous post, I sort of lost myself after we moved house. It was almost as though I had left myself at the old place. In order to get a house we could afford at the size we needed we had to downgrade to a less desirable area. Now I don't like to think of myself as a snob but I found it very difficult to adjust to being associated with this area.
My anxiety kicked in ten fold and I wouldn't leave the house. I even found it difficult to open the door when someone knocked. In retrospect it is actually quite funny picturing me cowering behind my front door, peering through the peep hole, sheepishly asking "who is it please?" through the letterbox like a scared, little old lady! It got pretty bad. I felt so guilty for Mya keeping her trapped inside the house with her mother too terrified to even step outside her front door to put the rubbish bags out. I went to see my GP and they prescribed beta blockers along with my Citalopram. The beta blockers have worked wonders. They take away the feelings of fear, racing heart, shaking and sweating, leaving just the irrational thoughts which I can deal with separately.
About a week or two ago, I finally 'found myself' again.
Since then I have been leaving the house, visiting friends and doing simple tasks like popping to the shops to get bread and milk without suffering panic attacks.
I went back to the doctors for a follow up on the beta blockers and asked if I could change anti-depressants as I was unhappy with Citalopram and was reluctant to increase the dosage again. They prescribed Fluoxetine but told me I had to stop Citalopram completely for a week before starting the new ones.
I was like 'you frickin' kidding me??' How was I supposed to do that when I had taken so long just to cut down the dosages!
Well, I did it.
Do not ask me how. I don't know. And it has only been a few days but so far so good. I haven't taken any Citalopram and am hoping if I manage to stay off them for the rest of the week that I will not go onto the Fluoxetine either. It feels bizarre even writing it, especially as it is so soon, but for the first time in a long, long time, I feel free. I feel happy. And I would just love it to last a little while.
Just a little while to enjoy being me - Citalopram free.
Read Coming off Citalopram - Part 1
Read Coming off Citalopram - Part 2
Read Coming off Citalopram - Part 4